Advice jokes
A girl in the shop was getting bullied. She came to me saying, "I’m getting bullied." I told her, "Stand up for herself."
I told myself the other night after a long night at the bar that I should stop drinking.
But why should I listen to a drunk who talks to himself?
My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
If you're seeing this, this is your sign to go fuck yourself.
Hi i thought this was funny i guess haha 💔⛓️
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
My advice to suicidal people: just hang in there. 🕺
Never eat more than you can lift.
What did the old chimney say to the young chimney?
"You're too young to smoke!"
That's not even a bad joke-
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.
When Elsa said, "Let it go," you took it too seriously and let go of your hairline.
What did the tree say to the kid with a bike? "Take a hike!"
What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?
"U Can't Touch Kids."
An orphan told me people kept bullying him, so I said, "Tell your parents."
Hi guys, I'm going to be out for 3 days. Also, quote for the day and advice.
Quote. (Made by me) Don't look back at tomorrow; just look forward today. There are new thoughts, strength, and ideas.
Advice. Sometimes ppl have opinions, and those opinions are probably what you don't like, but don't bring negativity on them just because of what they're saying. If you chose, you probably say, "I don't understand that statement, but it does sound good." This is not a drama site; it's a joking site.
P.S. No hating in these comments.
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
Don't listen.
Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?
Tell him you don’t believe in dog.