Advice jokes
If I fall in love with my depression, maybe it'll leave me too.
(Took this from my other account @Toby :) btw)
Hillary Clinton is elected president...
And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
What did the talking rope say to the man?
"Just hang in there."
I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.
Yo mama so fat when she goes to the shoe store, she needs to take their advice and get XXXXL.
what a nice man xx
I got kicked out of a hospital once. I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.
What do you tell twins who are in love with each other?
Go fuck yourself!
I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.
Neona: Gwen?
Gwen: Yes... what can I do for you?
Neona: You were so right! Mr. Smith has sexual problems and is a fool! I am so sorry that you were not a liar! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!
Gwen: You should have listened. Plus I'm over it!
Neona: Are you mad at me?
Gwen: Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen.
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."
If someone calls you fat, just ignore them. You are bigger than that!
Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.
How to not exist: Kys.
Don't listen.
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
Run, bestie, run!
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID.
Son (in a happy tone): I know.
Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad?
Son: Well, yesterday you told me to spread positivity.
I did so much research that I got bone-tired from doing this, tibia honest. You probably didn't find that humerus. I got a skeleton of these puns. I guess I could learn a femur puns. I was wondering if the creators of this site could talus how they come up with puns or maybe give some advice? I'm only 14 years old.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.
Remember kids, if you're in a big problem, yell SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEËEEEEEEEEĒEEEEĘEEEEEEEEESH!