Assistance jokes

Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

What dog can’t see a dog that’s blind?

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)

So little Johnny was walking to the bathroom, and he said, "Grandma," said, "why is the blood coming out of your ###😥 I need to call help."

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

What is a guide dog 🐶 that cannot walk? A useless guide 🐶.

Help! I got my brother pregnant.

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

I'm in school lol.

Kid: I need help!

Mom: Help your balls.

Two guys were beating up someone in an alley, so I stepped in to help.

He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.

What is a great 👍 for?

Fun.

I made a house for orphans and...

they had no clue how to use it.

"GWEN, can you help me? There's some person messing with me. There name is JADSA, something like that. Look for a joke named Jayden."

If you see a woman get raped, just walk away. Don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all.

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?

Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!

Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?

Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!

Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.

A FEW MOMENTS LATER

Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?

Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...

TWO HOURS LATER

Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!

AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER

Eibar-Man! Eibar-Man! Does whatever a ghost can.

Scores a tapin With Xaviesta’s assistance. Misses a pen From close distance.

Lookout! Here comes the Eibar-man!

What is humble, holy, and helps?

An angle...

What time is it when you say I can’t walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦼.