My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?
I found a book called How to Solve 50% of Your Problems. So I bought 2.
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
a guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl he asked for her number and of course, she said no, he asked the bus driver for advice and he said that girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 pm and look for a statue of an angel so he dresses up as god goes to the grave and she sees him she says oh lord end my misery kill me now and he said only if you do something for me first she replied what is it oh mighty lord he said to have sex with me she agreed they had sex and when she was done sucking his dick he said I have something to tell you he took of his costume and said I'm the guy from the bus and she took off her costume I'm the bus driver. (does anyone remember this it's an old joke someone made or does no one remember this I didn't make this but it went smth like this)
"Don't have sex" -Jake
I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️
A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say
My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.
Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
As a older brother I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room I see my sister giving married me blow jobs. I ask what are you doing the married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you tole me to do your best and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother I couldn't be more prouder.
yo mama so fat when she go's to the shoe store she needs to take their advice and get XXXXL
Why did the orphan go to church?
To hear some "foster" parenting advice.
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
When does a computer function best? When it listens to its motherboard.
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.
