New Advice Jokes

My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.

Why is there no medication in Africa?

Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."

Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?

I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.

This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.

A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."

(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)

"Don't have sex" -Jake

I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.

A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.

My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."

Why did God create women before men?

He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.

Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.

Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."

My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."

She died in a fire.

Don't commit suicide, that stuff kills you.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.

As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.

I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.