Advice jokes
You wonder and you wonder. Grandma said you better go to bed now. Tell your dad and grandpa, and your dad and your mom.
Quote of the day:
A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.
Chao!!!
Why was the orphan so successful?
When they told him, "Go big or go home," he/she only had one option.
"What do you tell a person with depression?
Just hang in there, buddy!"
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
That do be me though
People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?
Hang in there!
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.
What do you tell someone who has depression?
Answer: Just hang in there.
You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.
When does a computer function best? When it listens to its motherboard.
When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*
If you're seeing this, this is your sign to go fuck yourself.
Why was the orphan so successful? They said "go big or go home," but he could not do the second.
Yo mama so fat when she goes to the shoe store, she needs to take their advice and get XXXXL.
Don't listen.
What do you call a fat motivational speaker?
Four chin teller.
Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."
I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.
I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.
A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.