Advice jokes
A Chinese wise man once said, "ching chong ling long ting tong," which means, "keep striving in life."
You wonder and you wonder. Grandma said you better go to bed now. Tell your dad and grandpa, and your dad and your mom.
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
Quote of the day:
A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.
Chao!!!
"What do you tell a person with depression?
Just hang in there, buddy!"
Why was the orphan so successful?
When they told him, "Go big or go home," he/she only had one option.
People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?
Hang in there!
What do you tell someone who has depression?
Answer: Just hang in there.
When does a computer function best? When it listens to its motherboard.
You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
What's something you shouldn't tell a paraplegic that's being confronted by a bully?
Just walk away.
Yo mama so fat when she goes to the shoe store, she needs to take their advice and get XXXXL.
I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.
A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.
Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."
I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.
What do you call a fat motivational speaker?
Four chin teller.
When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*
If you're seeing this, this is your sign to go fuck yourself.