Accident jokes
I farted, try me. You farted? Oh no, we all farted.
The plane crashed, but I did too on a pillow.
What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!
A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.
I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP 😔
Bro, the airplanes that crashed, darn it, they got MVP!
Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"
Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.
Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.
Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!
Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.
Teacher: What was that?
Alex: Flew the plane.
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
Why did I trip over your foot?
Because you were so short I couldn’t see you!
If the captain of the Titanic was dumb, he would eat the iceberg.
Damn, that beat dropped harder than my grandma falling down the stairs.
I accidentally walked on the Lego Batman mask.
I want my fucking feet back!
Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!
Me: Why? They don't land well together?
Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
What is the difference between women and cars?
At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.
What's the difference between me and a bus?
I'm not on fire...
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"