One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
I hate sitting in traffic, I always get run over.
Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.
Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!
There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned!
My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.
You can give a hockey team airplane a new source of heating, but it went too far on September 7th, 2011, when the Yaroslavl plane crash happened.
Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?
Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.
What did Kobe Bryant and Josef Vanicek have in common?
They both won a trophy at least once, Vanicek a 1x Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes, and they also both crashed and burned in a helicopter or airplane.
What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"
Why did James fall off the swing?
He had no arms.
Damn, that beat dropped harder than my grandma falling down the stairs.
Why did the Titanic sink?
Because the people aboard are stupid.
When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.
I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.
Random Kid: Aye man where was Kobe flying to?
Launch Site: Umm, he might have gone too close to here, sorry if he might have crashed...
Your forehead so big, I think that's what Kobe crashed into.
Who's Paul Walker's close friend?
Tree.
From now on, we’re gonna call shitting the bed an “Amber Alert.”
My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.
