Accident jokes

Why did the blind man fall into the well?

He couldn’t see that well.

Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.

Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.

Molly Burke and her mom were on a walk. Molly walked into a bar; her mom laughed and walked under it.

I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.

There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:

Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.

Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.

These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.

Only Ninety's kids know about this.

1: My grandpa died last year.

2: What kind of cancer?

1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.

When you throw paper at a hill, you can say, "Hey, look, it is like Kobe's helicopter!"

Have any of you guys heard the classic airplane jokes? Here's a good example...

A farmer, a doctor, and a terrorist are on a plane. An engine fails, and they are going to crash, so the pilot asks everyone to throw out some items. The farmer threw out his apple harvest, the doctor threw out medical supplies, and the terrorist, (not needing a bomb apparently) threw out his briefcase of bombs. They still crashed, and they started walking to the nearest town. They passed a boy who was running. "Why are you running?"

"My dad got hit by a shiny red object and now he's bleeding!"

They three of them decide it's best to keep quiet, and continue. They then passed a crying girl, who said that her brother had been killed by a scalpel from heaven. They said nothing and continued. Finally, they see a boy laughing so much he is in tears. They ask him, "What's so funny?"

"Grandma farted and the house blew up!"

One day, a skeleton wasn't laughing. Someone asked him why he was not laughing. It turns out he fell and broke his bone, his funny bone that is.

My blind friend got ran over by a parked car.

What's got 4 legs and is stronger than Superman?

Christopher Reeve's horse.

Why did Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

What is black and at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking's after a fire.

He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.

Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?

Because he fell off his wheelchair.

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.

I almost got run over by a car.

For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.

Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.

Where did Susie go after the bomb exploded?

Everywhere.