Accident jokes

What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice? Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.

My BALLS itched when I crashed the plane.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she got shot. Dumb bitch!

Johnathon

Did you hear about the blonde who walked into a bar?......... It hurt.

Twin Towers? No plane, plane targets.

I kicked a soccer ball into a kid in a wheelchair, so we are playing Rocket League.

What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire? Hot Wheels.

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.

He swears by it, but he’s in denial.

As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.

So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."

You can give a hockey team airplane a new source of heating, but it went too far on September 7th, 2011, when the Yaroslavl plane crash happened.

I accidentally bumped into a midget yesterday.

Me: "Are you ok sir?"

Midget: "Well, I'm not happy."

Me: "Well, which one are ya?"

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.

Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.

What did John say after someone shot his leg?

Oof!

I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."

My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...

He fell from a tower.