Accident jokes
Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.
My brother got his legs chopped off, but someone FBI opened my basement door, but it wasn't my brother because he died of starvation in the basement.
What do you call an idiot who walks on the road when cars are coming?
Fresh roadkill.
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
How did Sally get a free trip to Hawaii? She washed up on shore.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.
Where did Alice go during the explosion?
Everywhere.
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.
Why did Sally get a black eye?
She tried to play patty cake!
The reason he died is that they accidentally flipped the wrong light switch.
The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.
"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"
The real reason Steven Hawking died is he was drunk and tried to go down a flight of stairs.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
The Titanic was going through the ocean. Chuck Norris was on the ship, and they never crashed into an iceberg. He just shat off the front of the ship!
A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"
Who's the closest family member to Paul Walker?
Answer: The tree.
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
What does the Titanic sell most?
Icebreakers.