Accident jokes
What do you call a dwarf that fell into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man.
Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got shot. Dumb bitch!
My brother got his legs chopped off, but someone FBI opened my basement door, but it wasn't my brother because he died of starvation in the basement.
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.
Why did Sally get a black eye?
She tried to play patty cake!
The real reason Steven Hawking died is he was drunk and tried to go down a flight of stairs.
The reason he died is that they accidentally flipped the wrong light switch.
The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.
"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
The Titanic was going through the ocean. Chuck Norris was on the ship, and they never crashed into an iceberg. He just shat off the front of the ship!
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.
My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.
A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"
Who's the closest family member to Paul Walker?
Answer: The tree.
What does the Titanic sell most?
Icebreakers.
When did “yo” mean Hello?
They are so different, how did they come to mean the same thing? Did someone just walk up and accidentally say “llo” instead of hello and people were just like “what did you say?” and the man being embarrassed just made up a story and say “oh, I said yo, which means hello in my original language."