The Titanic was going through the ocean. Chuck Norris was on the ship, and they never crashed into an iceberg. He just shat off the front of the ship!
Accident Jokes
What does the Titanic sell most?
Icebreakers.
I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"
Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.
My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.
A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"
Who's the closest family member to Paul Walker?
Answer: The tree.
When did “yo” mean Hello?
They are so different, how did they come to mean the same thing? Did someone just walk up and accidentally say “llo” instead of hello and people were just like “what did you say?” and the man being embarrassed just made up a story and say “oh, I said yo, which means hello in my original language."
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
I love how all these jokes about different accidents have happened, but why isn't anyone writing about how much of an accident we all were?
My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.
Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"
A man walks in a bar. Ouchie!
What’s the difference between my mom and the Twin Towers?
My mom got hit by two cars. The Twin Towers got hit by two planes.
Kaj je pomaranča rekla, ko jo je povozil avto?
A bully told an orphan to cry to his parents, so he did.
His adoptive parents were very supportive about the situation, and everything was settled. He died in an accident a day later.
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.
A science teacher got on the Space Shuttle Challenger after winning a contest out of 11,000 other teachers.
Imagine being one of the losing teachers in that contest, watching the Space Shuttle Challenger, and thinking, "Talking about dodging a bullet!"
