Accident jokes
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.
Where did Alice go during the explosion?
Everywhere.
Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.
How did Sally get a free trip to Hawaii? She washed up on shore.
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
Memes
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.
Why did Sally get a black eye?
She tried to play patty cake!
"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"
The real reason Steven Hawking died is he was drunk and tried to go down a flight of stairs.
The reason he died is that they accidentally flipped the wrong light switch.
The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.
When a kindergarten teacher asks a kid to sing the alphabet, he said "ab3defg." The teacher said, "Do you like 3D?" He said, "Yeah." The teacher yelled, "Okay, do you have a 3DS?" He said yes. The teacher goes into his bag and says, "Say ABCs or your 3DS will be destroyed." He says, "ab3defghijlmnopqrs." "Oh, he learned well." The teacher threw the 3DS out the window. The kid gets it, and it still works. Then he googles ABCs. It goes to YouTube and says, "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz." The teacher is proud of the 3DS. The class went home telling parents.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
The Titanic was going through the ocean. Chuck Norris was on the ship, and they never crashed into an iceberg. He just shat off the front of the ship!
What does the Titanic sell most?
Icebreakers.
I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.
Who's the closest family member to Paul Walker?
Answer: The tree.