Accident jokes
Plane crash in China... pilots names released in the incident are as follows:
Sum Ting Wong.
Wei Toh Low.
Ho Lee Fuk.
Ban Din Ouch.
Why is my plane delayed?
Because someone hit the Sears Tower.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
How did Princess Diana die?
Giving the glove box head.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
Memes
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got shot. Dumb bitch!
Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.
Why did Johnny drop his pencil?
To look up girls' skirts! 😬🤯😲😳😱🙀🙊
What do you call a dwarf that fell into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man.
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
My brother got his legs chopped off, but someone FBI opened my basement door, but it wasn't my brother because he died of starvation in the basement.
What do you call an idiot who walks on the road when cars are coming?
Fresh roadkill.
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.
Where did Alice go during the explosion?
Everywhere.
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
How did Sally get a free trip to Hawaii? She washed up on shore.
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.
Why did Sally get a black eye?
She tried to play patty cake!