Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.
Accident Jokes
Why did Johnny drop his pencil?
To look up girls' skirts! 😬🤯😲😳😱🙀🙊
What do you call a dwarf that fell into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man.
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
My brother got his legs chopped off, but someone FBI opened my basement door, but it wasn't my brother because he died of starvation in the basement.
What do you call an idiot who walks on the road when cars are coming?
Fresh roadkill.
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.
Where did Alice go during the explosion?
Everywhere.
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
How did Sally get a free trip to Hawaii? She washed up on shore.
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.
Why did Sally get a black eye?
She tried to play patty cake!
"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"
The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.
The reason he died is that they accidentally flipped the wrong light switch.
The real reason Steven Hawking died is he was drunk and tried to go down a flight of stairs.
When a kindergarten teacher asks a kid to sing the alphabet, he said "ab3defg." The teacher said, "Do you like 3D?" He said, "Yeah." The teacher yelled, "Okay, do you have a 3DS?" He said yes. The teacher goes into his bag and says, "Say ABCs or your 3DS will be destroyed." He says, "ab3defghijlmnopqrs." "Oh, he learned well." The teacher threw the 3DS out the window. The kid gets it, and it still works. Then he googles ABCs. It goes to YouTube and says, "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz." The teacher is proud of the 3DS. The class went home telling parents.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
