Was he under insurance claim?
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she didn't have any arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.
Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.
Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?
There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!
Stephen Hawking's death was purely accidental. He clicked “shut-down” instead of “sleep”.
Who did Stephen call when he crashed?... The geek squad.
Were you born on the side of the highway because that’s where all mistakes happen?
Why did the man fall off his bike?
Because someone threw a refrigerator at him.
Why did Sally run into a tree?
She is blind.
I accidentally walked on the Lego Batman mask.
I want my fucking feet back!
Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.
Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.
What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!
I saw a bicycler flip over a gutter. It was pretty grate.
Once upon a time... Chuck Norris stepped on a Lego. R.I.P. the Lego piece.
Q: Why did Sally survive the car accident?
A: She hit an ambulance.
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
