My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?
"Get off me homes."
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
"Oops, I made a mistake."
The Titanic was going through the ocean. Chuck Norris was on the ship, and they never crashed into an iceberg. He just shat off the front of the ship!
A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.
U
were accidental
A doctor fell into a well and broke his collarbone.
The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone!
Why did the girl fall off the swing ... because she had no arms or legs
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?
It was quite a shocker.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
What did John say after someone shot his leg?
Oof!
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
Why did Susan drop her ice cream? She was hit by a bus.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.
"So you dropped my instruments on stage?"
"It was only the Bass!"
Why did the accountant fall off his bicycle?
Because he lost his balance!
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
