Accident jokes
When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale
Where did Alice go during the explosion?
Everywhere.
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
What's the definition of disappointment?
Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?
A: Ow!
A man walks into a bar.
Ouch!
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
Where did Susie go after the bomb exploded?
Everywhere.
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
Your dad's penis was chopped off at the age of 2.
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
Never joke about 9/11, they'll just crash and burn.
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll f--ck you for $10." The boy says, "I would, but I don't have any money." She says, "Ok, I'll take the duck instead." He says, "Ok," so they go upstairs and f--ck. The prostitute says, "That's the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back, and we can do it again." So they do, and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, "Well, I got a f--ck for a duck, a duck for a f--ck, and $25 for a f--cked up f--ck."
I got hit by a bus.
But the bus was my ex.
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.
After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.
After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun that fell down the stairs.
What's black, white, and laughing?
The nun that pushed her.