Accident jokes
Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.
Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.
Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!
Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.
Teacher: What was that?
Alex: Flew the plane.
I wondered why the baseball was getting closer...
Then it hit me!
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?
I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!
Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.
Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"
Dang, it got ketchup on my sleeve. What do I do?
Spread the love!
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.
Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!
A man says, "I'm flying!" He realizes he was pushed out of a plane.
What’s worse than dropping your ice cream?
The Holocaust.
This is Sally.
Sally says hi.
This is Sally when a car comes by. 🤕
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off. Okay, moving on. You took too long.
How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply* I don't know how many.)
3, Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door. How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply* 3...)
Wrong. 4, Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door. Why did Sally fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.
Why did Sally drown in the pool?
She didn't have any arms, remember!
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
A girl and a boy were on a date. The boy kept farting. The girl asked, "What is wrong?!?". The boy replied, "Explosive diarrhea.". The girl said, "Ew".
The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. The center of the explosion, the bathroom.
Q: Why did the blind man fall into the well?
A: Because he couldn't see that well.