Accident jokes
Three blondes were walking on a path. The first blonde said, “Hey, look, there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way, those are totally duck tracks.” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh, those are...” Then they got hit by a train.
Yo mama so fat, She the iceberg.
What is yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids.
Q: Why did Sally fall off the building?
A: Her dad pushed her.
1: My grandpa died last year.
2: What kind of cancer?
1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.
Why did the kid fall off the swing? He had no arms.
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.
Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.
Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!
Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.
Teacher: What was that?
Alex: Flew the plane.
I wondered why the baseball was getting closer...
Then it hit me!
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?
I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!
Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.
Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"
Dang, it got ketchup on my sleeve. What do I do?
Spread the love!
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.
Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!
A man says, "I'm flying!" He realizes he was pushed out of a plane.