A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.
I will never forget my grandfather's last words:
"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"
Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”
What's the difference between paul walker and a computer? I care when my computer crashes
Why is it bad to climb a tree?
You might fall on an orphan! 🫥
Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.
Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.
How did Princess Diana die?
Giving the glove box head.
Papyrus was playing with the human, but then Papyrus fell and he broke the cell bone of the human.
Q: What's a ship's least favorite food? A: Iceburg-ers
How do you name a disabled Asian?
Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”
Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”
What do Bob Ross's painting and the orphanage have in common?
They're both filled with happy little accidents.
Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again?
Little Johnny: I had to be there for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)
Where did Kobe go after the helicopter crashed? Everywhere.
Why is my plane delayed?
Because someone hit the Sears Tower.
I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.
