Accident

Accident jokes

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!

What caused Captain Hook's death?

He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.

doctor: you need to eat healthy.

me: no.

doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.

me: oh my goodness.

doctor: in a plane crash.

me: that sounds unrelated.

doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.

pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.

passengers: *start freaking out*

pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.

passengers: *sigh with relief*

pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.

Me: *gets down on one knee*

Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!

Me: *falls over*

Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

Why did Joe get hit by a bus? Sally was driving it.

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?

He's all right now.