Accident Jokes

We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop, I thought there had been a horrible accident.

Don't drink and park.

Accidents cause people.

Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?

"Everywhere."

Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

When I tell my bf I saw him fall yesterday.

A screenshot of a text message conversation. One person says "I saw you fall in the hall yesterday ;)". The other person responds, "I dint fall I attacked the floor". The first person replies, "Backwards???" And the second person replies "Im freaking talented."

When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.

I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

What do you take care of after a car crash?

The witnesses.

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"

I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.

The wheels on the bus go round and round!

I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.

I kicked a soccer ball at the kid in the wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.