Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
Accident Jokes
you
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then “WHOA-MAN!!”
Q: why did sally survive the car accident A: she hit an ambulance
What do you call the worst joke ever?
Well according to my mom, I am.
Were you born on a highway because most accidents happen on the highway
were you born on the highway cause thats were most accidents happen
Americans be like: Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road.
England be like: Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road.
Russians after a car accident be like: Here in Russia, road is road.
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If being ugly was a crime you would have a life sentence
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My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships
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There is a tree out there giving you oxegyn, and you owe that tree an apology.
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I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
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When I saw your dad on the side walk I didn’t laugh but the sidewalk cracked up.
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If I had powers I would make you the dumbest person alive but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
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If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it
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If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart I’d be broke.
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You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting
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Were you born on a highway cuz that’s where most accidents happen
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Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya
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Your the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented
So a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on; Doctor: “so your wife she is paralyzed from the neck down” and as the doctor goes he says all the things the man must do for her like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says " why, WHY ME!" Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the mans ear and says " I’m just fuckin with u she’s DEAD!"
Me and my friend were duck hunting. He shot 5 ducks in one shot. Then he shot by accident and yelled “DUCK!” then “MOTHERDUCKER!”. Then ducks came down and one by one bit him.
Where you born on the high way that’s where most accidents happen
An unfortunate accident happend at the nestlè factory,a man nammed joe was seriously injourd because a box of choclates fell on him. Every time he said “The choclates are on me!” every one cheerid.
Thank you for reading if you use this on another catagory please give me credit by saying my name at the end. P.s my name is None of your buissnes. Seriously.
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
“Oh no, Tom’s an idiot, what did he name my daughter?” she asked the nurse.
“Denise.”
“That’s not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?”
“Tom Junior.”
Don’t drink and park. Accidents cause people.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words…
Oh fuck, it’s a bus!
Did you hear about Alicia’s car accident? She was really drunk and all over the road Until she was all over the road.
When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen. And I could just have his motorcycle.
kids
When your parents say we are sorry that you are here what do you think of that. I THINK THAT YOUR AN ACCIDENT!