Accident jokes

Little Mickel was on a tree.

He fell down and hurt his knee.

He sat down and started to cry, and from there, he would never lie.

I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...

Yo momma's so short that she fell off the toilet and broke her leg.

I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned!

Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?

He didn't either.

Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.

A guy crashed his Ford SUV. He couldn't escape.

Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.

I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.

What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?

The sound when they hit the windshield.

Be grateful:

You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.

Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.

I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"

Two planes crashed into two separate towers.

Now two towers crash into two separate planes.

Why is my plane delayed?

Because someone hit the Sears Tower.

They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.

Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”

My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.

Why did the plane crash in the ocean? Because the pilot saw steward Undercut!

How did Sally die?

She got shot.