Accident Jokes

Why did Tyrone drop his ice cream cone?

A: he got shot

I was watching my boyfriends dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with the him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When i looked down, he appeared to be dead. My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do ,so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waiting for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said ,”you know , your dogs been a little depressed lately...”

Why did Billy fall off his bike? Because his dad threw a chair at him.

A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.

After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.

After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling

A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning fortunately no one was injured - but 100 were killed.

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid, they were still breathing so I told them to walk it off.

When two wheel chairs hit each other is it a fender bender

There was an air crash of a Boeing 737 - 800 which can carry around 300 passengers...

It crashed in a cemetery

They recovered 500 bodies

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major

There was a plane crash the pilots names where Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk and Bang Ding Ow

Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. They argued on what the tracks came from. One of them said “it’s a deer.” The other said it “No it’s a coyote.” The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.

Why did Joey drop his ice cream? He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)

So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage