What do you call the worst joke ever?
Well according to my mom, I am.
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted? It was quite a shocker.
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamus` wife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus` wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
Helen Keller fell down a well she screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands
I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?".
doctor: you need to eat healthy
me: no
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after i suggested it died
me: oh my goodness
doctor: in a plane crash
me: that sounds unrelated
doctor: i'm the one that crashed it. do not disobey me
Papyrus ran headfast into a windmill. Guess you can call him a bone head
Americans be like: Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road.
England be like: Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road.
Russians after a car accident be like: Here in Russia, road is road.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
Why did Mary fall off the swings? She got hit by a refrigerator
i met a girl that was 6-5 and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm, she really said ohh snap like a twin tower
when kobe's pilot hit the mountain he said "kobe"
Today is sad my sister got hit by a car and I lost my license as a driver
What's the worst part of about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car? Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche
me: *gets down on one knee*
girlfriend: omg, it's finally happening
me: *falls over*
girlfriend: the poison is kicking in
A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.
Why did the depressed kid cross the road....... To get hit by a car
Whats the point of hiding the screaming speedbump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming B:Make it look like an actually speed bump and C:... You think its Hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach
