Accident jokes

I have no toes, so I put blood on my foot, and then my other foot got run over, so, ye.

A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."

My fish puns aren't on porpoise.

My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.

Damn, that beat dropped harder than my grandma falling down the stairs.

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.

A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”

Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”

What mistake did the manager of the Twin Towers make?

He replaced all the window cleaners with 2 commercial jets.

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.

What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?

Answer: He was left there hanging.

The people in the tower ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was a plane.

Sally fell off the swing.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Not Sally.

Did you know that the Royal family like carnivals?

Princess Diana was really fond of bumper cars.

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.

A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.

Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.

Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.

Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.

Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.