Accident jokes
Did you hear about the blonde who walked into a bar?......... It hurt.
Your forehead so big, I think that's what Kobe crashed into.
My wife and I went to the bar to get a drink, but 2 mins later, I see her dead on the ground. I guess she couldn't see the bottle flying at her face. Then I laughed and went home.
Yo mama so fat!
She sunk the Titanic. She put on a blue coat and they thought she was an iceberg!
I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"
Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got shot. Dumb bitch!
Kid: "THERE'S A SHOOTER IN THE BUILDING!"
Shooter: "Oops."
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? At least it was a soft drink.
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"
Boy: Crap, I hit a deer.
Girl: Awe... I guess it’s not so much of a dear.
Boy: ...
Boy: Get the hell out!
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
Today my toilet paper ran across the road, but it got stuck in the crack.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a bus.
Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.
Stephen Hawking died because he got hit by a RAM.
I tripped over my wife’s bra. It was a booby trap!
Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"
Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"
Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.