Accident jokes

I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.

My wife and I went to the bar to get a drink, but 2 mins later, I see her dead on the ground. I guess she couldn't see the bottle flying at her face. Then I laughed and went home.

Who's Paul Walker's close friend?

Tree.

The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.

Why did I cross the road to might get hit by a car or a bus?

Why is my anus burning?

'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!

Your forehead is so big, if you fell, you would knock out your whole state cold.

I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"

So I was sitting on my couch, watching this homophobic TV show all about "straight and great". But then I remember, "Aren't I part of the LGBTQ?"

So I say, "Oh my God, let's throw it out the window because that would be a good idea!" But then it gets run over by 123,456,789 cars. It gave me a $150,000 fine. Guess I'm broke.

What do you call the worst joke ever?

Well, according to my mom, I am.

I had bullies behind me on the street, but they were too fat and slow, so they got ran over by a truck that represents fat and slow.

My boyfriend said if I kiss him, I'll get lucky. I fell down a flight of stairs.

True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.

Yo mama is so pretty, she could get in a car crash because boys are staring at her.

What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?

Two large planes!

Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"

My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.

Why did James fall off the swing?

He had no arms.

What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?

The sound when they hit the windshield.

What do you get when someone named Victoria falls? A Victoria Falls!