After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today. Now they call him Hot Wheels.
You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He just couldn't see that well.
I’m not saying I hate you. But if you got hit by a bus I’d be driving that bus.
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up and Manners. One day Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station whilst Manners tried to help Shit. When Shut up got to the police station he says "my brother has just been hit by a car." The policeman replied with "OK then first I need to know your name." "Shut up" "No, I need to know your name." "Shut up." "Excuse me but where are your manners." "Round the corner picking up shit."
If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?
The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
Why did Paul walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt
Did you here about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
i fell from the stairs the other day. it really "got me down".
How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the the dash.
What do need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman
What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb, and a pregnant woman
They're both accidents
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident
An amputation
A Vampire goes to the Bakery:
Vampire🧛♂️: „One Bun please.“
Bäcker👩🍳: „But you're Vampire, don't you need blood 🩸 ?“
Vampir🧛♂️: „Yes, there is an accident outside and i need something to dip“
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby its a "choice". But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children its called "murder".
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
I just found out that there is a racist stereotype about Asians being bad drivers, which isn't true... but if it is then maybe Pearl Harbor was just an accident.
