Acceptance jokes

How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.

They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"

Why did my dad leave me?

Because I was gay.

God = what I hope to be.

Devil = what I can't accept.

I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!

Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!

Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.

Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!

Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.

Karien: That is so boring!

Daiana: Well just work with me please?

Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!

People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!

Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

I am like mushrooms. Nobody likes me, but everybody tolerates me.

What kind of tea is really hard to swallow? Reality.

"Love is a good thing, never be embarrassed by it."

Why will the orphan never say, "Honey, I'm home?"

No one wants him, not even the bees.

Yo mama so ugly that Mr. Rogers doesn’t wanna be her neighbor.

Humor is like skin; the darker it gets, the less people like it.

People: The Titanic is unsinkable!

Iceberg: Challenge accepted.

Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.

The creator's son tried that!

(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)

What is better to have, autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?

What if you put a scared homosexual guy and an angry homophobic guy inside a stable?

Hmm, let's see, if the homosexual guy has some good luck, maybe he will meet a super unicorn and help him out to defeat the angry homophobic guy :D