You're jokes
Pick up lines.
"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"
"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
Bro, tampons look like sperms, and they go up your coochie.
Memes
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding only half a worm.
"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
Sister: You're adopted.
Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(
Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."
What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?
You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.
A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.
Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.
Do you know how a dragon is? You don't know who? It's dragging these 2-liter balls across your pathetic face and slamming it into a f*cking dumpster you regret.
Wanna hear a plane joke? Nah, it'll just go over your head.
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
Do you like Wendy's? When deez nutz are in your mouth.