You're jokes
Your hairline is so deep people can see what you're thinking.
Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Not your parents.
You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
There was a kid sitting in a corner.
Me: "Hey! Why are you here at an orphanage?"
Orphan: "..."
Me: "Oh, wait, you're an orphan."
When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer...
You're so fat, when people see you running, they can't help but yell out, "Keep running!"
What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?
You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"
This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing: "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?"
So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with, "I have two parrots as well, they are always praying, and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a Christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours."
They proceed to do so, and the lady's parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?" and the pastor's parrots reply with "Johnny, drop your beads and lift your heads, our prayers have been answered!"
Your mum is so fat that when you walk around her, you get lost.
How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck its dick.
I have fuck and sex with all the sexy naked ladies and they suck my balls (penis), but you ain't have no girlfriend. Your only friend, they call him ching chong coz of your hairline.
A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"
Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"
Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.
Teachers: Do you give your mother that attitude?
Orphan: ...
A school shooter enters a kindergarten classroom. Little Timmy says, “He’s my daddy!”
The teacher, Mr. Mortez, screams. Little Timmy then says, “Mr. Mortez, my daddy says you’re a big fat whale and he wants to roll you all the way to Canada!” *pushes Mr. Mortez* Little Timmy says, “Hail f**king Canada!”
Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.
When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."
His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"
Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"
10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"
My brother puts his butt in his face and says, "Kyle, you're cracking me up!"
I was going to invite your friends to your birthday, but they were all extinct.