You're jokes

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her mom naked taking a shower and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get breasts?" Mom says, "Oh, when you're 12 or 13." The little girl looks down and see’s her pubes and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get hair down there?" Mom says, "Oh, about the same time you get breasts."

Then the little girl walks in and sees her dad sitting on the bed with a hard on and asks, "Daddy, daddy, when am I gonna get one of those?" Dad says, "Soon as your mom leaves for work."

A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.

He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.

The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.

Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"

My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!

Sans: Why couldn't the skeleton go to prom?

Papyrus: Why? AND YOU KNOW I HATE PUNS!

Sans: Because they had NO BODY to go with.

Papyrus: THAT IS ENOUGH!!!

Sans: Sorry, didn't mean to GET UNDER YOUR SKIN.

Papyrus: YOU HAVE MADE ME MAD TO THE BONE SANS......wait

Sans: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Girls are like numbers squared. If they're under 13, just do 'em in your head.

Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.

Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!

What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?

They will come down your "chimney" tonight.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.

How to get rid of your depression:

1. Stop self-pitying.

2. Realize you can't.

3. Fucking deal with it.

You're welcome.

I've tried to like all of your jokes. They are funny 😆 and joshisboss, you are awesome. Keep up the good work 👍!

You know what, I'm done. We are banning "your mom" jokes. They're old, weird, and have been done thousands of times. Just like your mom.

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.

If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.

Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?

Patient: Cancer, why?

Doctor: What are the chances?

Patient: Of what?

You are so scary that even your hairline ran away.

Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.

Me: I saw your parents yesterday.

Orphan girl: Where?

Me: The coffin was still open.