You're jokes
A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.
Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"
My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
Sans: Why couldn't the skeleton go to prom?
Papyrus: Why? AND YOU KNOW I HATE PUNS!
Sans: Because they had NO BODY to go with.
Papyrus: THAT IS ENOUGH!!!
Sans: Sorry, didn't mean to GET UNDER YOUR SKIN.
Papyrus: YOU HAVE MADE ME MAD TO THE BONE SANS......wait
Sans: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Girls are like numbers squared. If they're under 13, just do 'em in your head.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
New teacher: "I was an orphan when I was young."
Student: "But!"
Teacher: "Is something missing?"
Student: "Your parents!"
Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.
Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?
Patient: Cancer, why?
Doctor: What are the chances?
Patient: Of what?
Gay is a mental illness.
You're not thinking straight.
You are so scary that even your hairline ran away.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
From your Dad.
I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.
Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese. Okay, I can't do this anymore.