You're jokes

My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?

"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩

You're so trash that when I dropped you off, I got a ticket for littering.

Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-

🎨🧑🏻‍🦰 day was that good fun day at home 🏠. I had to the earth and I love it when you get a home and walk walk home from school and walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home 🏠. Was your birthday 🎁? I did.

Teacher: Great! You’re studying in break time!

Student: Thank you. I heard that it is good to study before sleep.

What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?

Next time I’m bringing all my friends.

Your mum is a Rune Giant.

Your hairline and your eyebrows are social distancing.

Your mama is so ugly, she summoned Bloody Mary.

She handed her an application through the mirror.

Your mama is so ugly! Ghostface from Scream won't even make that call!

Yo mama so fat when the doctor saw her weight on the scale he said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

Your mum is so fat, flat earthers think she's round!

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad.

Why was the Pokemon under your bed? So it can Pikachu.

What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?

"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"

It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.

You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?

When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...

...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)

The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"

The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"

The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"

The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"

The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"