You're jokes

If I were to cut your legs off, would it hurt? Because your legs will be cut off...

What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"

"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"

What's the one upside to being an orphan?

You never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

Your forehead is so big I could use it to get free TV.

Your momma is so dumb that when they said it was chilly outside, she came outside with a bowl.

Your forehead's so big even Barry Wood said, "Wow, that's huge!"

What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?

Your dad.

Dad: I'm giving all your toys to the orphan kid.

Kid: Why, Dad?

Dad: So you don't get bored.

You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.

Your mama's so fat that when she went to space, there was no space left.

Your mama's so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, you can see Micah.

You're so full of shit that the toilet's jealous.

Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.

I'm not saying you're stupid.

But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"

Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.

You: Well, your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you don't even know how to do that.

And your IQ is 5.

Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.

Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?

Step on your small sister's foot, she will always open her mouth like a dustbin.

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.