You jokes

What do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?

The worst shits you'll ever see!

Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?

They're the same thing.

If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.

You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

What about the glue?

I knew you'd get stuck there.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thank God I'm not as ugly as you.

You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)

You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.

I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!

You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.

I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies! How silly of me.

"Go back to Party City, where you belong!" — Phi Phi O’Hara, RuPaul’s Drag Race.

You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.

Hispanic and Latino people be like, "No more immigrants!" Like, dude, aren't you an immigrant?

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

Orgasm means two things:

1. During you masturbate.

2. You torture phantoms.