You jokes

Are you the sun? I can see you from a mile away.

You didn't know that Helen Keller is dead? It's fine; neither does she.

How do you f**k a duck?

Usually duck a f**k.

Welcome to Joe's pizza, you make 'em, we bake 'em.

You're so fat that when you went sunbathing at the beach, Greenpeace came along and pushed you back in the ocean.

If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?

Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.

I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."

Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"

You will never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

Why shouldn't you make an orphan cry?

Because they won't have a parent to cry to.

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.

Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?

When you have to fight an emo kid, but he brings his friends, so you gotta fight the Suicide Squad. But you gotta get the boys to help you.

If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.

If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.

Have you ever walked past Stephen Hawking's house?

No, well neither has he.

What time is it when you have a toothache?

2:30 (Tooth hurty).

What do you call two emos in a chemistry lab?

My Chemical Romance.

One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.

Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."

Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"

You soak balls, get it?

Why can you say "Kobe" even though you missed?

Because he didn't land either.