You jokes

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

You say Alex Jones, I say Alex moans mmmmm. I like that fat, tasty big boy and his Rolex watches, mummy, he turns me on!

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

Orgasm means two things:

1. During you masturbate.

2. You torture phantoms.

People joking about 9/11.

Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."

Oh.

"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

Anonymous 1: Why are you crying?

Anonymous 2: No, buddy, come to my finral.

I didn't steal it. 🌚

A priest walked in and said to the kids,

"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"

You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.

Are you feeling down? Because I wanna feel you up.

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!

You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.

I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies! How silly of me.

You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.

Hispanic and Latino people be like, "No more immigrants!" Like, dude, aren't you an immigrant?

What's the difference between you and me?

I have a plan for this new year.

So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.

Is it classed as down under if you eat out an Australian chick?