You jokes
Your disabled joke on you can't stand.
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
What do you call a sharpened pencil? You call a sharpened pencil a sharpened pencil.
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
I would give you a thrashing, but that would be animal abuse.
No wonder why I can't find you. You're in the trash bin.
You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.
If you want an orphan joke, just look in a mirror.
Annabeth: "Percy, whaters up with you?"
If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"
You're so black, when you get near the sun, we go into a solar eclipse.
My mom went to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.
What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?
... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Little old lady, you don't need to yodel about it. Yodel who? Yodel who?
Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.
Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"
My love for you is like poop.
Whenever I feel you, I have to run to the toilet and flush you away.
Your hairline went so back, you had to cry to your mama!
Jake: Can I go outside?
Mom: Did you clean your room?
Jake: No.
Mom: Then f*ck no.
Jake: Alright, bet.
(Brother named No)
What do you call a teen wizard who just went through puberty?
Hairy Potter.