You jokes
If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
How do you call a man with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
Like this if you like me.
What do you call an emo hosting a charity event?
Fund razor.
If you ever get bored, just hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
What do you call a retarded Catholic?
Asperges.
I have a cow over at my house spending the night with me because she has been out in the streets homeless and poor, so my family forced it to come and live with me at my place.
The cow asks me, "Where do I keep all the dairy items like the milk, cheese, yogurt, and meat?" I tell her, "In the refrigerator! Where do you think I keep them, on the farm with all the rest of those cows?"
That night we had to share a room and sleep in the same damn bed. Then she started getting high and drank some cow wine with titty milk, and it made her shit all over the bed.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.
Did you know that McDonald's have a new McScully burger?
It's a 59-year-old piece of meat in a 2-year-old bun.
What's one advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody can make mama jokes about you. 🌚
What did the mother cheetah say to her cub?
"Go to bed or I'll slap your spots off you!"
Some people decide to start a blog.
Others decide to start a blog.
You know what my sink started?
A clog.
I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.
When do you know your dad knows you are sneaking out? He hears the loud creaks.
I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.
Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
I think I am a boomerang because I always come back to you.
Joe Biden is the first president in history to have a vice president on record claiming they believed sexual harassment allegations against him.
I don't know about you, but I think that's a pretty big elephant in the room!