You jokes
You want a pizza from me!!!!
Do you know why I finger women with my left hand?
Because they don’t deserve rights!
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
What did Satin say to God??
"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"
What time is it when you get home and you can walk walk?
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
The first child, Daisy, asks her mother why she is named Daisy. The mother said, "That's because a daisy fell on your head when you were born."
The second child, Raindrop, asked why he is named Raindrop, and the mother said, "That's because a drop of rain fell on your head when you were born."
Then the third child, Cinderblock, said, "fxg,kxf dsdsvtg,hjer,btjh,rbtsvikvsdtxde43f."
What do you get when you add 5 + 2 + 3 + 2 + 200 + 10?
Completely confuse you!
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
Why can’t you private text someone in a community?
Because a community has more than two people.
How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.
How do you play chess with a Catholic?
You put a condom on the bishop.
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
Cause they about to taste my Morbius! I got that acrimonious odious Cause the bats are copious My blood flow is harmonious Bout to act felonious You know they hating us And we getting treasonous Woo when they get bit with the Morbius! I got that acrimonious odious Cause the bats are copious My blood flow is harmonious Bout to act felonious You know they hating us And we getting treasonous Woo when they get bit with the (Morbius) (Morbius) (Morbius) (Morbius) (Morbius) Morbius (His name is Dr. Michael Morbius)
Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
"I love you with all my heart."
You're so ugly that you made Hitler commit suicide.
What do you call a rapper who can’t rhyme?
Unemployed.
You hear that? That’s the sound of me not caring.