You jokes
What do you call a Muslim guy in a bathtub?
A bath bomb 💣
Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?
If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)
Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?
A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"
The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"
The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"
The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."
Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"
Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
Did you know the F in Orphan stands for family?
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?
Son: A ugly girl.
Dad: Why not a pretty girl?
Son: A pretty one might run away.
Dad: So an ugly one might too.
Son: Yeah, but who cares?
Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.
You are so ugly, Hello Kitty had to say bye-bye.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and angrily sits down. She says to a man next to her “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?
Well, he’s all right now!
Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"
Dad: "Ask your sister."
Girl: "I don't have a..."
I would tell you a milk joke, but it's whey too cheesy!
Do you want to play Titanic?
When I say iceberg, you go down on me.