You jokes
If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.
Why can you hit orphans?
Because they can't tell their parents.
What do you call a deaf child?
-Ryan Simmonite-
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
Me: I look up to you.
Friend: Wow, thanks!
Me: But in general cuz your so tall.
What did one statue say to another statue? "Hey! Is that you?"
What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.
Q: I'm a famous athlete and I've got a lot of fans.
A: Is that why I never see you sweat?
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can't drink and derive.
What do you call a chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.
(Say it out loud if you don't get it!)
Do you want to play Titanic?
When I say iceberg, you go down on me.
The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."
He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."
Little Timmy said, "I had a body, eieio, now you are next!" as he shoots you.
A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"
A boy was terrible at writing sentences, so his teacher gave him an assignment to help with that. The boy was to go home, write five sentences, and return to school the next day.
When he went home, he took a notepad and a pen and went to his dad for help. His dad was in a very important business call, so he angrily shouted at the child, "Shut up, you donkey!" The boy noted down that sentence. He next went to his mom, who assumed that he wanted to play video games, so she said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." That was his second sentence. For the third sentence, he went to his older brother, who was watching football where someone scored a goal, so he was jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!"
For the fourth sentence, he went to his sister, who was singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" For the last sentence, he went to his grandmother, who was cleaning the toilet and singing, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."
He went to school the next day, and his teacher asked him to tell her the sentences. The boy said, "Shut up, you donkey!" The teacher got angry after hearing this and asked the boy, "Do you want me to slap you?" The boy said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." This made the teacher so angry that she slapped the boy. Immediately, he started jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!" The teacher dragged him to the principal's office, as she was fed up with him. The principal asked the boy what his name was, to which he replied by singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" She asked him where he lived, so he sang, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."
(On their 1-2 loss to Watford) Ty: Well, we mustn't forget that it's been raining so...
Robbie: It's been raining???
Ty: Yeah!
Robbie: Are you being serious??? It's raining for both teams!
You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
What is a nonce's favorite toy...? You.
What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."