You jokes

I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.

What did the doctor say to the orphan?

"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"

How do you stop constipation?

You scare the crap outta them.

(Crap is another word for poop.)

What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?

I C D K

I can make a word with those: "DICK".

Can you fuck me, please?

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

He pasta-way.

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

In America, you catch Pikachu. In Soviet Russia, Pikachu catches you.

If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.

Did you know nine of ten dentists recommend oral sex?

When you say, "I'm high!"

But then you fall off.

What is the difference between cremation and smoking?

While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.

What do you call a man who lost his car??

Carlos

What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?

A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.

Eagle: "You know why hunting me would be a bad idea?

Because it is ILL-EAGLE!"

What do you call a white girl who can run faster than her brothers?

A redneck virgin.

Part 2: He walks up to a stake and nails himself there. Then he finds the knife and says to someone to find a cake to celebrate his death, but everybody came. That was the sign that nobody loved him, and that's how you know if people love you.

What do you call a foot that got beaten at everything?

De-feeted (Defeated)

How do you get a baby to stop crying?

Simple... you staple its mouth shut.

Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.

Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.