You jokes
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? Hot wheels!
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? Don't worry, he hasn't neither.
I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.
How do you fix an igloo?
With Iglue.
I guess you can say he xxxpired.
I was gonna tell you a sodium joke, but Na, only I thought it was so dium funny.
What do you call a cow who walks on two legs?
Lean beef.
How do you put "blonde" and "duh" in the same sentence? Just say, "Blondes are dumb."
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?
Me and my brother talking about relationships.
Me: We live kind of differently.
Brother: We're sort of alike.
Me: We're not alike.
Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!
My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!
Do you know Candice?
Candice dick fit in your mouth!
You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.
What do you call an orphan?
A bootysnagger45.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?
An animal abuse warrant.
You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?
Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.
Why do you call a pineapple a pineapple?
Because it is a pineapple, pin, apple, apple, pen, doudodo.
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
Only one of them stops sucking after you slap it.
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?
Bc they're good at it.