You jokes

Did you hear about the bisexual from Alabama? He can't decide whether to fuck his brother or his sister.

What is the difference between a carpet muncher and a female prostitute?

If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

What do you call a pig that does Karate?

Jesus was drinking when he made you.

What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner? You have to turn them on before they start to suck.

I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.

Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."

What do you get when you mix a fly and a rabbit?

Bugs Bunny!

Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? No? They both got six months.

What do you call a blank piece of paper?

Women's rights.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

You.

You who?

Don't you get it? You're the joke, dumbass!

There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?

(Ten, if you count in base 13!)

You guys are cow-medians!

So funny!

What do you call a criminal?

Disarmed and dangerous.

Are you a school? 'Cause I wanna shoot kids in you.

What do you call a bird with no wings?

Moas didn't even know that existed!

A: Do you eat food?

B: Yes...

A: You can sit on deez nuts then!

B: Omg I have depression now.

Today we had the best adventure ever! We started playing in the yard and doing ramps in a party van!

It all started when Timmy and I were playing in the yard and a white rusty van drove up to our yard. A nice man told us to get in. We said we would love to go, but our mommies wouldn't want us to go. The man said your mommies told me it was OK to come.

We hopped in the back and sped away super fast! The man gave us some candy, but Timmy and I were not hungry, so we didn't eat it. We saved it for later. After a while, I was wondering where we were going. I was about to ask the man, but then there was a whooping sound and some flashing blue lights! "Hey they want to party with us!" Timmy yelled over the whooping. "Party van!" I yelled.

Timmy and I started dancing and whooping and the van began driving faster, doing crazy race car stunts, and jumps! Then we noticed the lights and whooping were coming from some cars that were following us. The cars were black and white and said "P O L I C E” on the side.

We started to wave to them, but then the van did a HUGE jump and we flew out of the back of the van to the side of the road into some dirt, but it didn't really hurt that much. The van drove off without us, and I was really sad. Then Timmy told me the dirt was perfect for making mud pies. I was happy again. We played in the dirt awhile, until some people dressed like firefighters found us and brought us home. And then you asked me what happened. "Isn’t that right mommy?"

What do you call a virgin in Alabama? An orphan.

But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!

Sans: What do you call a skeleton snake?

A rattler!

Sans: ha ha ha ha!!