You jokes
My joke: You have to guess, answers come at 3:00. Why did the cow jump into space?
Hint... it smelled its favorite food 🍱 and saw its future!
That hint was technically the whole answer. Can you guess in 3 hours? Lol, I will be posting every time, and my giveaway starts at 5:00: my mega fly ride bat dragon 🐉 and five jungle eggs.
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”
Friend 1: “Yeah.”
Friend 2: “Yea.”
Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”
Friend 3: “I love anime.”
Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thought Shrek was ugly, until I saw you.
Memes
What happens when you find a bomb at your local bazaar?
It becomes a flee market.
What do you call a person in America that is not a retard?
A foreign exchange student.
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!
How do you know if you're making a Caesar salad? Stabbing it 23 times.
All of you idiots who think that it is ok to laugh about us foster kids need to be shot.
What do you get when you put an ape's brain in a gorilla? A feminist!
You're so skinny that if I were to put you on a flagpole, you would wave in the wind.
Have you heard anything about this Chuck Norris guy? Yeh, me neither.
After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.
You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.
You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.
What do you call a AK-47 that lost 1 point?
An AK-46.
Did you know the "w" in Africa stands for water?
What do you call a Chinese hooker that won't get on her knees?
Cantonese...
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.
Girlfriend's ex: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.
Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"