You jokes
How do you get a hippy pregnant?
Cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
My friend asks me what does "idk" mean. I said, "I dion't know." My friend says, "You mean I don't know." I said, "That's what I said!"
How do you get the emo girl out of the tree?
You cut the rope.
Your mom's a whore, and so are you!
If you drop something, make your short friend get it.
Did you know the giraffe’s hooves are the size of dinner plates? Too bad they would have nothing to put on them!
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.
What do you call a group of emos?
A Suicide Squad.
"What do you tell a person with depression?
Just hang in there, buddy!"
What do you call an adopted orphan?
Wanted.
You were born on a road. That's where most accidents happen.
Do you love water?
Then you love 75% of me!
If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."
If you call the number 800-273-8500 in Afghanistan, they say, "Can you fly a plane?"
You just shot an unarmed man.
Well, he should have armed himself then.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
What's the difference between you and Frankenstein?
He is not ugly like you; plus, he has a wife.
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
If you are ever mad, punch an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?