You jokes

Weedle will make you high.

What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?

"It is ok, I forgive you."

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?

Me and my brother talking about relationships.

Me: We live kind of differently.

Brother: We're sort of alike.

Me: We're not alike.

Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!

My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!

You know why the teacher punished Dairy Milk?

Answer: Because he was choco_'late' to school.

What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...

What do you call an orphan?

A bootysnagger45.

What do you call a gold digger?

A miner.

If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"

Why do you call a pineapple a pineapple?

Because it is a pineapple, pin, apple, apple, pen, doudodo.

What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

Only one of them stops sucking after you slap it.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?

Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.

How do you put "blonde" and "duh" in the same sentence? Just say, "Blondes are dumb."

Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?

Bc they're good at it.

What do you call a bird orgy?

No bird control.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Polo G is the goat, but that means nothing to you.

Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.

What were Princess Diana's last words?

Have you been Dri...?