You jokes

Are you Shane Dawson?

Because I can be your pussy.

How do you kill a spider?

Just get an autistic person.

What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?

Miracle Whip.

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.

Want to know how you make any salad into a Caesar salad?

Stab it twenty-three times.

What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."

"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."

What do you call a terrorist in a bathtub?

Bathbomb.

"You're really hot, I wanna hit on you like the plane hit the Twin Towers."

My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."

Is it sexual harassment if a midget walks by you and tells you that your hair smells nice?

I made a deal with Satan. I would get a free pass to hell if I serve as a demon lord. So, see you guys at the end of times!

You’re so fat,

that your family moved to the other side of the U.S.A., but they still see you.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be the dolphin, you can be the jellyfish.

What do you call it when a caveman does a fart?

A blast from the past!

What do you call Indian dhal that is delicious?

Well, that is DHALicious!

Imagine this: You're at math class. The teacher asks you, "What's 11 * 11?" You say, "120." The teacher says, "Wrong!" You say, "How off was I?" The teacher says, "1."

Me rn: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHERES THE RAGE TABLE or something like that.