You jokes
What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
Yeah, neither has he!
I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!
Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?
She called for a price check.
What do you call a scared octopus?
An octopussy.
Memes
What did the minute hand say to the hour hand?
Why are you so tall?
🌍: You're so hot!
🌎: How are you single?
☀️: I burn anyone who gets too close!
What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?
A milkshake.
Where do you go to get the best fish?
A restaurant on the Titanic.
My step bro thought I was single and tried to take me, but I said, "I'm take." And guess what he did? He cried.
Why? Why would you do that?
You know this joke really cracks up my bones!
What do you call an Autistic kid?
A work of Daniel.
Ol' Mate Shane Warne has sadly passed away. He was probably Australia's Greatest Ever Cricketer. RIP Ol' Mate Warney, died doing what you loved, having gay sex with men and doing cocaine! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Like if you RIP Shane Warne 🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺
POV them: What's one move to get a man motivated in bed?
Her: All you gotta give is that hawk tuah and spit on that thang, you get me?
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!
*Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.
*Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.
*Me sits down in the chair*
*Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.
*gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.
*walks out without paying*
*Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.
*customer:* I told u she would.
How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill his family.
The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.
When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.
She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."
💔 The Broken Family 💔 . Part 1
Girl: Mom, dad tried to have sex with me last night.
Mom: Are you serious?? (Shocked)
Girl: Yah. He said I must kiss him after he didn't want to let me go.
Mom: Am gonna kill ur dad (Angry)
Girl: Please mom, we still need him, who will buy use food and clothes. You don't have a job mom.
Mom: But what he did was wrong.
Girl: I know.
(SOUND OF A CAR COMING IN)
Mom: Is that ur dad.
Girl: Yes Mom
Comment Part 2