Patch jokes
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey.
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.
Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apaches.
Apaches who?
Apaches on your eye.
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!
What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?
The cabbage patch.
My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
What do you call a blind kid with an eye patch and no arms?
Names.
Nasruddin Hodja was tilling his patch of land when a hunter came riding up.
“Hey, you!" said the man. “Did you see a boar run past?"
“Yes," replied Hodja.
“Which way did it go?" demanded the man.
Hodja pointed in the direction in which the boar had gone.
The man rode away without a word of thanks, but he was back within minutes.
“No sign of it!" he said. “Are you sure it went that way?"
“I am certain," replied Hodja. “It went that way. Two years ago."
I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!
What was the incontinent farmer's greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn't control his peas!
What does a pumpkin need when it's hurt? A pumpkin patch.
What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire?
— You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek, And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite movie? Cabbage Patch Kids.
What do you call a graveyard full of disabled people?
A cabbage patch.
What's a pedo's favorite snack?
Sour Patch Kids.
