Patch jokes
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey.
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.
Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apaches.
Apaches who?
Apaches on your eye.
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!
What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?
The cabbage patch.
Memes
My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
What do you call a blind kid with an eye patch and no arms?
Names.
Nasruddin Hodja was tilling his patch of land when a hunter came riding up.
“Hey, you!" said the man. “Did you see a boar run past?"
“Yes," replied Hodja.
“Which way did it go?" demanded the man.
Hodja pointed in the direction in which the boar had gone.
The man rode away without a word of thanks, but he was back within minutes.
“No sign of it!" he said. “Are you sure it went that way?"
“I am certain," replied Hodja. “It went that way. Two years ago."
I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!
What was the incontinent farmer's greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn't control his peas!
What does a pumpkin need when it's hurt? A pumpkin patch.
What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire?
— You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek, And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite movie? Cabbage Patch Kids.
What do you call a graveyard full of disabled people?
A cabbage patch.
What's a pedo's favorite snack?
Sour Patch Kids.
Memes
Community
Guys, for whatever reason, please do NOT use fly trap paper to wax your asshole!!!
Today, I was trying to search around my house for some waxing paper because my intertwined lengthy asshole hairs created a humid environment to where sweat and fungus was able to be produced. Then, I looked in my father's garage and I was able to find a large sheet of waxing paper (or so I thought).
The waxing paper was yellow for wh… Read more
-A FUNNY STORY-
Do you know the funny and strange story of a woman who burned a frozen rabbit? No? Then read this. Have fun. And don't forget to comment if you liked the story or not. Please don`t write mean comments if you don`t like it. What's your opinion on the story? . . .
"This jar is full of stupid worthless things, but they’re worth something to me” - Miranda Harcourt.
On a clear, but cold Wellington after… Read more
I have diabetes. It sucks.
Imagine having to inject yourself multiple times a day, stabbing your finger with a tiny pin to get blood out of it, always shooting a dexcom patch onto your shoulder just so you can stay alive!! Well, thats my life every. single. day. You have no idea what the pain is like, being stared at during school by the entire class while injecting insulin before lunch, being stared at because your pump made a big beeping sound when I'm having a bad sugar level. It really sucks, so I just thought I'd say to everyone this one thing:
Never, ever pick on a diabetic. Because you have no idea what its like.