You jokes
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
Have you heard about the blind man who saw the accident and the dead man who heard it?
Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"
"Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"
"I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx
What’s the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?
Pikachu, I choose you!
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?
Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.
What do you call a kid with a special sense of humor? Autism, hahaha!
How do you get 50 hungry kids into a box? You put a can of beans in there.
How do you get 50 hungry kids out of a box? You run past with a can opener.
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
Your dick is so small they thought you were a girl when you came into the world.
Boy: Wanna hear about my dick? Never mind, it's too short.
Girl: Wanna hear about my pussy? Fuck no, you won't get it.
"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"
Most of the people here: That's not funny, lots of people died.
Bruh, why are you in here if you can't take a joke?
Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.
Doctor Seuss break up lines:
"One fish, two fish, blue fish, red fish, I'm breaking up with you, bitch."
I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the 💕 love of your life!💕
And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!
Comment those numbers to lock it in!!😄
A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"
And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."
I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.
What do you call somebody in America that is smart?
An immigrant.
To all those who say this is a joke, it isn't. It's a core of humor and magic. It's a part of humor we can keep. Like if you agree.
What do birds and children have in common?
If you shoot them, they die.