You jokes
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
Little Johnny is walking around and peeks in his parents' room, catching them having sex. So he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply, "Nothing, nothing! We're just, uh, making cake," and they send him away.
So he continues walking around, and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room. He walks in and catches his brother and his brother's girlfriend having sex and then asks him, "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells, "Get out! We're making cake!"
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says, "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night, huh?" and she replies, "OMG! How'd you know!?" and Johnny replies, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?
What do TVs and girls have in common?
They both show you stuff when you turn them on!
Do you know about the new movie Disney made just for cancer kids? It's called Finding Kemo.
What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?
Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)
What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.
How do you blindfold an Asian?
With dental floss.
1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
2. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down.
Yesterday I was fucking my sister, and she said, "You fuck a lot like dad." I said, "Really? Mum said that too."
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
How do you circumcise a hillbilly? ... Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?
A. Depends how thin you slice them.
Did you hear about the homosexual letter? It only came in male boxes.
What do you call a dead parrot?
Polygon.