You jokes
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."
The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."
What do you call an orphan taking a family photo? A selfie.
A man walked into a library. He asked the librarian, "Have you got a book on how to commit suicide?" The librarian replied, "No, you'd never bring it back!"
I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.
Memes
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
They're both accidents.
What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.
What do you call a depressed person?
Me.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
I love you like my cuts.
Deeply.
Did you know the F in Orphan stands for family?
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.
Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?
My pencil sharpener when I bleed:
And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.
Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?
Son: A ugly girl.
Dad: Why not a pretty girl?
Son: A pretty one might run away.
Dad: So an ugly one might too.
Son: Yeah, but who cares?