You jokes
There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."
What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?
An orphan's parents.
like this if you have ever been abused.
Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
Boy and girl playing hide and seek... girl: "I found you." Boy: "What gave me away?" Girl: "Ur parents obviously."
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.
Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"
"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.
So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"
What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.
You want to hear a dirty joke?
This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
Warning, this is dark.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? Give 'em a Sandy Hook.
If an orphan tells you there's 365 days in a year, tell them for you it's only 363 days because you skip Father's Day and Mother's Day.
What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?
A Mexican't.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
A man walked into a library. He asked the librarian, "Have you got a book on how to commit suicide?" The librarian replied, "No, you'd never bring it back!"