Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?
You Jokes
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.
I love you like my cuts.
Deeply.
My pencil sharpener when I bleed:
And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
Did you know the F in Orphan stands for family?
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.
Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?
Son: A ugly girl.
Dad: Why not a pretty girl?
Son: A pretty one might run away.
Dad: So an ugly one might too.
Son: Yeah, but who cares?
What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?
Ginger! You racist fuc-
What's the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.
How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)
Q: Do you know why black people have nightmares?
A: Because we shot the last one who had a dream.
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.
How do you start a school shooting at a black school?
Call the cops.
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
You are so ugly, Hello Kitty had to say bye-bye.
