You jokes
A man walked into a library. He asked the librarian, "Have you got a book on how to commit suicide?" The librarian replied, "No, you'd never bring it back!"
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
What do you call an orphan taking a picture with it's family?
A self-fie.
Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
They're both accidents.
Memes
What do you call a depressed person?
Me.
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
Slavery is like Pokémon, you gotta catch them all.
Did you know the F in Orphan stands for family?
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
My pencil sharpener when I bleed:
And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.
I love you like my cuts.
Deeply.
Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?
Son: A ugly girl.
Dad: Why not a pretty girl?
Son: A pretty one might run away.
Dad: So an ugly one might too.
Son: Yeah, but who cares?
Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.