You jokes
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Leaf. “Leaf” who? Leaf my house, or else you will regret it. You don’t live here, you dumb idiot! ?!
Hi, how are you?
What did the calculator say to his friends? “You can count on me!”
Your hairline's so far back that Usain Bolt had to run 50 miles away from you!
Do you know what the hardest part of school is?
Q: What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?
A: A mud slide.
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!
What do you call Joe from Family Guy in an electric wheelchair?
RoboCop.
I photo bombed someone's selfie, and then they yelled, "Why would you do that? I was trying to take a family photo!"
Why can't you get water in the North Pole?
Because there is no well.
I drip when you take me in the mouth, what am I? Ice cream.
Are you Spanish, because I will say "Hola."
Do you go to a biblioteca? Also, in Spanish, you will never guess the word "biblioteca." Find it, I dare you.
What do you call it when you sell Panera Bread in your shed?
Panera Shed.
If mom saw you, she would die and be happy because of you being ugly.
What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.
You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.
How do you know when a joke has turned into a dad joke?
When it leaves you and never comes back.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it? In case there's a salad dressing.