You jokes

How many people fit in a tree?

I don't know, you tell me.

Do you play COC?

Because it’s a pretty good game.

I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.

Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.

Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."

By a tweaker with AIDS.

I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.

Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."

Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"

If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"

Girlfriend: "No."

Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"

Hope the towers are doing well this morning, and I'll get back to you!

What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?

Getting neck!

Did you know emo kids are the highest jumpers in the world? Some are still up there!

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?

A pistachio.

How do you catch an elephant?

Act like a peanut.

Can I ask you a question? Nut now!

If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.

Cashew, see, I'm nuts about you!?

You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.

How do you surprise a blind guy?

Say, "Surprise!"