Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"
Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."
You Jokes
What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?
Standing ovation!
If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.
How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.
"You is so black your mama fainted."
lol so true
WOULD YOU RATHER:
Eat 20 lbs of cow s**t?
or
Drink a gallon of sperm?
Spare.
You got a spare, spare me an inch of that far juicy cock.
If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?
Kid: Imagine being an orphan!
Parents: Look who's talking, not you 'cause you ain't got no one to talk to! *vanishes*
Kid: WAIT, WHAT!
What's the one thing that you don't have but celebrities do?
Lots of fans.
You must be a Charmander. Because youβre making me hot.
Pokemon.
Doctor: Iβm going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
Doctor: Because Iβm a family doctor.
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
Whatβs the difference between 69 and a family reunion?
You only see one asshole in 69.
What do you call a female octopus? An octopussy.
What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?
Stop horsing around!
How do you trap a shape? You use a trapezoid.
What do you call a thirsty girl?
An H2Hoe.
Do you want to hear a building joke?
I am still working on it.
