You jokes
On one hand he was fantastic and the other a spastic. You could say he was a fantastic spastic.
How do you start a rave in Africa? Stick a pizza onto the ceiling.
What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?
Seizure salad.
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed receiving medical treatment soon after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit Bob and told him this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb peaking mountains, and cross low valleys."
Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
What do you call a terrorist at a cinema?
A box office bomb.
If a gay white male with blond hair is a prostitute, you will get $175.00 back for a blowjob if you give him $20.00. If you give a can of sauerkraut to a gay white male that is a prostitute with blonde hair and who is also Polish, you will get the money back that he paid for the can of sauerkraut if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. And if you wanted a blowjob from a gay white male that is a prostitute that is Canadian and Polish with blond hair, you will get the money back he paid for the bottle of maple syrup at the grocery store if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. But if you wanted to fuck him up the ass, he will give you the money back that he paid for the can of Crisco and he will also give you the money back that he paid for the box of condoms and he will give you the change back that he paid for the box of tampons that he paid for his baby sister or you could get a free anonymous blowjob at an adult book store.
Here is a funny little prank I did on my sister. So she was in her room when she reached to get her shampoo, cause you know girls and hair, when she went to squeeze it out, it came out oil, toothpaste, chicken breast, barf, and onions! SHE PUT IT IN HER HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROSS BUT FUNNY!
When she got to school she heard kids laughing at her cause the prankster did it again!
Later!
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
What do you call a black person?
Black.
I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the 💕 love of your life!💕
And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!
Comment those numbers to lock it in!!😄
Once at school, a teacher thought I was Russian. Why do you think that? I said. The teacher replied, because you're reading from Right to Left.
What do you call a fish that has a dick?
Moby Dickkkkk!
If your hot dog tastes like a piece of wood, who are you going to call?
"Ghost Musterd."
How do you starve a hippie? You hide its welfare check under the soap.
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
When she says she wrestles, so you pull out your dick and she punches it.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
Hispanic and Latino people be like, "No more immigrants!" Like, dude, aren't you an immigrant?
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you? No charge!"
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down.
Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.
And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.