You jokes

What do you call a fake noodle?

An im-pasta.

White Russians, do you mean red, white, blue, and dead White Russians?

"When someone asks for a dad joke and you send them to the orphan page."

Did you know that chips taste like the baked potato in things called bags of chips?

A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?

It depends on how thin you slice them.

A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"

My friend playing truth or dare asked me: "Dare".

My friends: "I dare you to go home."

What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?

They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.

I felt bad for the orphan because he couldn't go on a field trip, you know why?

Parent signature: _________

What do you call a dad without a dad joke?

Dead.

Saying a Kobe joke after he died tends to ignite a fire in the people you say it to.

Bro, are you an Oompa Loompa? Because you look like you just came from the chocolate factory.

Did you know you can slap an orphan all you want, because what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What do you call it when a cow gets disciplined by her parents?

Grounded beef.

Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?

"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."

You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.

Grandma isn’t responding. Close app, wait, cancel.

Which do you choose?

Knock knock.

You: Who's there?

Urmom.

What do you call an emo kid playing with fire?

Forgot to clean little piece of dust.