You jokes

I wanna tell you a scary math joke, but I'm too squared to tell you.

So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.

*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"

*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*

What do you call a bird with no wings?

Moas didn't even know that existed!

I am deciding to do songs on this app... so I am a type songs. If you want a specific song typed I will type just comment!

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? It's pointless.

What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?

You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.

I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.

Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.

Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."

By a tweaker with AIDS.

Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.

Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!

What do you call an octopus on land?

A spider, duh!

Me: *watching TV*

Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!

Me: Really?

Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.

You could hold your breath for the rest of your life.

Think about it.

I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever," my dick cooed. I looked down at it, a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace.

To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.

Hey guys, I haven't been on in like freaking forever! Sorry. Anyways, I love you, Emerald! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I hope you're on!

Love you all. Hope you all have a nice day, Best regards, Koko, <3

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!