You jokes

What do you call a very rude bird? A mockingbird.

How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.

You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.

What's the one thing that you don't have but celebrities do?

Lots of fans.

"Ow! You hit the spot!"

Bully 1 to Bully 2: You're ugly.

Bully 2: Look in a mirror.

Bully 1: Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it will work for everyone else.

How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!

You're so ugly, you have trick-or-treat on the phone!

Pokemon: What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?

Mr. Mime!

Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.

Orphan: But why?

Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.

What do you call Peg and Cat from Peg + Cat? Egg + splat.

Eggy joke for all to enjoy!

What do you do when you finish a magazine in school?

Answer: You shoot it!

Me: Yo wanna play 9/11?

My Friend: What’s that?

Me: It’s a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.

Did you know the "f" in "orphan" stands for family?

Kid: There is no "f" in "orphan."

There is no family.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

I hate you.

I hate you who?

You hate me?? Rude!

What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?

A dictator.

How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.

What's the difference between an egg and a good wank?

You can beat an egg.

Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries."

WOULD YOU RATHER:

Eat 20 lbs of cow s**t?

or

Drink a gallon of sperm?