You jokes

What does Yoda say when he’s at the strip club?

"Dirty bitch, you are."

What do you call a blind German?

A Nazi (not see).

What do you call a blowjob in Africa?

Breakfast.

How are women like swimming pools?

They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.

How do you stop a baby from crying?

You drown it.

Yo mama is so stupid, she thought keeping you was a good idea!

Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?

Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

Roses are red, violets are blue, You told me I'm ugly, nah, you look like a monkey!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In every step you take, My support stays true.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In this world of chaos, I find peace with you.

If you don’t know the difference between their, there, and they’re, then you're an idiot.

Your hairline is so far gone that you could build a runway.

I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"

Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.

Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."

Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."

Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.

Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.

How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?

When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.

A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"

God replies, "So she would love you..."

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?

A. A backroom deal.