You jokes
How did you get into the tampon 100?
Pull some strings!
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
Your hairline is so ugly, it’s receding from your face to never see you.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor.
Memes
Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?
That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
What do you call a group of Alabama superheroes?
The Incredibles.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
How do you know Adam and Eve were White?
Have you ever tried taking a rib from a Black man?
What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.
What’s the difference between jelly and jam?
You can’t “jelly” it in her ass.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.