You jokes
Wee dyslexic boy and girl in class.
Wee boy says, "Can you smell gas?"
Wee girl replies, "I canny even smell my name!"
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
What do you and orphans have in common?
Nobody loves you.
Have you heard about my new can crushing job?
It's soda-pressing.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I need your peach, and I'll torture you with a speech.
What do you call a selfie that an orphan takes?
A family picture.
The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."
The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."
If you want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents.
Double!
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
Triple!
Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
What is always in front of you but can’t be seen?
Answer: The future.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you haven't told her twice.
How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.
Why is Uranus so big? Because you discovered it.
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
What do you need an apple because you got an "izzy?"
Hello, This is Jimmy from Jimmy's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic! Your next loss is our next sauce! How many pizzas do you need?