You jokes

If someone calls you fat, just ignore them. You are bigger than that!

When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant.

Did you get seafood without me?

Would you rather have ten babies in one trash can or one baby in ten trash cans?

Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.

Sometimes, you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.

How do you trick a camel jockey into drinking a bottle of watermelon schnapps?

Pour watermelon seeds into a bottle of watermelon schnapps.

There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.

Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.

How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.

You will find Taylor Swift on the streets before you find your hairline.

When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!

Did you hear? There's a new fast food restaurant coming: Jacko in the Box.

What do you call a disabled person that has no legs and likes being alone?

Leaving, walking.

Beethoven to Chris Doemges: "What instrument do you play outside in the Arctic at -12 degrees Celsius?"

Doemges: "Probably the shiver..."

How do you piss off a feminist? You rape her.

A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"

God replies, "So she would love you..."

You ever try sexting with AI? Every time I type “I’m coming,” it replies, “Coming where? Need directions?”

Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?

A. A backroom deal.

Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"

"Honesty."

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

"I don't give a fuck what you think."

I said I’m losing my mind. My friend said, “You didn’t have much to begin with.”

Bro, why are you making an avalanche by that big forehead? No wonder why snow was found on Mars.