You jokes
Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.
Guy: Robin
Bank owner: Your last name?
Guy: Debank
Bank owner: Robin Debank?
Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!
You wanna hear a joke? It's YOU.
Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?
Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.
What’s the difference between rape and marriage?
With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.
When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"
God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: Cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: Yes.
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
Have you heard about the Pokemon called "rhy rhy rhyde" on deez nuts?
Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?
A: Lazy bones.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.
Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.
If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.
What kind of trumpet are you playing?
An "Donald Trumpet"!
Why shouldn't you let a Chinese person play baseball?
'Cause they'll eat the bat!
Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?
That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.
How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?
"No, you hang yourself first..."
Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I will be there too, not in the cage but laughing at you.
I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."
He said, "What do you want?"
I said, "To be your new father."
"Really??!" the orphan said.
Me: Lol, no.
Orphan *Jumps into street*
"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.
"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"
Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.