You jokes
A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.
When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"
God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.
Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.
Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?
A: Lazy bones.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a square room and tell her to run in a circle.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
What is the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.
How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?
A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).
If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.
Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.
Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!
Teacher: Where’s the P?
Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)
What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin' off.
People are like tequila glasses,
you gotta shoot them down fast.
What kind of trumpet are you playing?
An "Donald Trumpet"!
Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I will be there too, not in the cage but laughing at you.
Why shouldn't you let a Chinese person play baseball?
'Cause they'll eat the bat!
Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?
That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.
"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.
"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"
Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: Cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: Yes.
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
Have you heard about the Pokemon called "rhy rhy rhyde" on deez nuts?