You jokes
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!
You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.
One time a man climbed a mountain and saw a guy.
"Who are you?"
"I am mountain man!"
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.
You guys wanna hear a joke?
My LOVE LIFE.
My math teacher walked by and asked me, "What is that?"
I said, "Paper."
She said, "Really?"
I said, "Yeah, do you need glasses?"
The moment you realize that school Kahoot! games are more competitive than the Super Bowl.
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
What type of jam can you not eat?
Traffic jam.
If you are dehydrated, you should get well soon.
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
Pork-chop!
If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.
What do you call nitrogen in the day? You call it day-trogen!
Do you want to hear a joke about pizza?
Wait, no. It's too CHEESY!
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an...
Everyone Else: DON'T...FUCKING...SAY IT.
Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?
Most people: No.
Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.
Did you know that the shovel was a groundbreaking invention?
Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.