You jokes

When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.

How do you confuse a blonde?

Put her in a square room and tell her to run in a circle.

I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.

Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.

Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?

A: Lazy bones.

What is the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.

What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?

Beef strokin' off.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot Wheels.

What should you use to battle a T-Rex?

A dino-sword.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Who.

Who who.

You sound like an owl.

If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.

Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar?

Can I push your stool in for ya?

People are like tequila glasses,

you gotta shoot them down fast.

How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?

A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).

Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?

Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.

Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!

Teacher: Where’s the P?

Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)

Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?

The adult person I asked: Cereal?

Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?

The person: Yes.

Me: WHAT?!!!??!!

You're so skinny, you swallowed a meatball and thought you were pregnant!

A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"

He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.

The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."

Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?

Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?