You jokes
I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."
He said, "What do you want?"
I said, "To be your new father."
"Really??!" the orphan said.
Me: Lol, no.
Orphan *Jumps into street*
When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.
Why can't you play with a cheetah?
Because they are cheat-ahs!
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: Cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: Yes.
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
yo kermit you tryna be like michael jackson?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a square room and tell her to run in a circle.
Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?
A: Lazy bones.
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.
Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.
What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin' off.
People are like tequila glasses,
you gotta shoot them down fast.
How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?
A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).
Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.
Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!
Teacher: Where’s the P?
Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)
If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.
Throw a plate.
It’s broken, right?
Say “sorry” to it.
Did it fix back?
No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)
Deja-poo.
The sense or feeling you have dealt with this crap in the past.
Me: Hey, I’m your mom.
Orphan: Yay, you came back!
Me: Sike!
What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.
What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.
When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.