You jokes
What do you call expired milk?
The Milky Way.
If Stephen Hawking gets a heart attack, where do you go, the hospital or Curry's PC World?
How do you clean the ocean?
With tide!
Roses are red, my blood is too, And I've been seeing it a lot more, since I've lost you.
What do you get when you cross the terms homeless and abandoned?
POORphan
If you want any pictures of cheese for your laptop, I've got enough to Philadelphia.
You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)
How do you drown a Blonde? You put a scratch and sniff sticker in a pool.
Good afternoon. My name is Russell, and I am a wilderness explorer of Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?
What is the difference between a flat tire bicycle and a woman?
Answer: You need to pump the tire on the bicycle before you ride it, while a woman you need to ride her and pump.
I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!
If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
What do you call a country with nukes?
Abomination.
What do you call an overweight psychic?
A four chin teller.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-alot-a-puss.
Guy feels something on his back.
“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”
“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”
Time heals all wounds.
Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.
What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
Car-los
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.