You jokes
Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?
There is a small medium at large.
I said, "Are you half left or half right?"
"Neither! In-between."
"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"
Bob the builder took one look at you and said, "Nah, I can’t fix that!"
Your mom was born in a dumpster, as well as you.
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.
What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"
You are all going to be pun-ished!
Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?
The recoil.
Guys, if you saw a post from someone pretending to be me, don't listen to them.
I'm just going to be out for 3 days, or maybe for a month break. There are a lot of fakers.
One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.
Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."
Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
When you tell your Roblox girlfriend you’re breaking up with her, and then 10 seconds later you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
What do lesbian vampires say after sex?
"See you next month."
What's the difference between Putin and Hitler? I don’t know, you tell me.
1. What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese.
2. Knock, knock. Who's there? Ash. Ash who? Achoo!
3. How does the ocean say hello? He waves.
4. Why can't Elsa have a balloon? Because she will let it go.
5. What do you call your enemy? You don't call it at all.
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!
Milk makes you tall, right?
Well how did you get tall if your dad didn't come back with the milk?